RETROCRUSH

I should say right up front that I, like most crazy comic book readers—love the character that inspired the film The Dark Knight. The mythology of Batman is a true treasure trove of creativity. Sure, he wasn’t the first costumed superhero (see: Superman) or the first to stir up a great rogues gallery (see: Dick Tracy) or even the first “dark” action hero (see: The Shadow).  However, the blend of all those influences is big fun, and the true test of a great character remains in how he stands the test of time and how he stands up to interpretation.

Witnessing all the great and sometimes groovy takes on Batman has always been entertaining, from his dark yet melodramatic inception by Bob Kane and Bill Finger all the way to the dynamic and super cool Batman: Brave & the Bold.

Therefore, it is with a somewhat heavy heart when I see Batman interpreted poorly.

Despite all the hype (as has been the case since the disastrous 1989 movie), all the money swindled, and all the hoopla surrounding Heath Ledger’s Joker performance—The Dark Knight is a terrible film from start to finish, and perhaps the worst “Batman” movie ever made.

When you take the comic out of the comic book you build yourself a wall between the audience and the ability to have fun. The over the top “seriousness” of Dark Knight elicits the exact opposite of its targeted response. The movie becomes painfully absurd when rather, given the serious tone, it should feel awe inspiring, dramatic, and even moving. The Dark Knight elicited no such feelings from me or the rest of the Mystery Island staff.

The problem this movie suffers from truly began a few years before the 1989 film with the Batman: The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel series written and drawn by Frank Miller. At the time, and it’s vital to understand the importance of that series during its conception, comic readers needed The Dark Knight Returns. Comic readers needed a dark twist and we all ate it up and thought Miller was a genius. In 2009 I find it hard to access those feelings from 1986, but they were there. I loved the series just as much as the next guy salivating for the next issue, which always hit the stands weeks late.

The unfortunate consequence of the new, darker, take on Batman is that all of the comic industry tried to follow suit and comic books in general took a ridiculously disturbing turn toward unnecessary violence and unrealistically “dark” changes in many superhero characters. What at first seemed like an exciting transformation soon became commonplace and basically the raw fun, adventure, and creative humor was stripped from the flesh, leaving many bloodly bones and broken hearts along the way.

Before someone emails me and tells me I am a hypocrite I will readily admit that I still use many dark elements in my own storytelling and have always loved the hardboiled school of writing. Yet, I also believe you should never forget your sense of humor. Hammett, Chandler, Spillane all knew how to have a sense of humor without being silly.

The Dark Knight really needed that sense of humor to pull off even trying to put Christian Bale in that hideous Batman costume. That’s one award the movie should win, “All Time Ugliest Batman Costume!” The costume is so stupid looking that if you even take it seriously for a moment—you should seriously think about seeking medical attention.

In addition to the horrid costume you have a horribly miscast actor inside the suit. Christian Bale stinks as Batman. He stinks as the smirking, dumb talking, Bruce Wayne. He sounds like an idiot as both personas, totally untrue to the character, and 100% unbelievable. His portrayal is so bad that I would actually never watch another film starring this actor.

Okay, but worst than Bale is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Jeez, what happened to changing the name of stars to sound like stars? Her name is almost as unattractive as her character in Dark Knight. I am thoroughly confused as to how and why this woman acquired such a sought after, big film role. Are we to believe that Batman/Bruce Wayne, Harvey Dent/Two-Face are in love with this girl—and that the Joker thinks she is “beautiful”?

When the Joker called Rachel Dawes beautiful in the movie I just felt confused. She’s unattractive (in this film) and not a very good actress.

How about police buddy James Gordon played by Gary Oldman? Unbelievable, it’s just unbelievable how distracting and bad his performance is, and I actually think he’s a good actor. He’s just horribly miscast along with the rest of the crew—including the silly Michael Caine. Is Caine a Batman fan or just happy with the fat paycheck?

Well, that leaves us with the Joker played (with ultimate hype) by Heath Ledger. Yeah, he did a good job, but was I blown away or totally thrilled? Not really. How hard is it to put on crazy make-up and chuckle? I really don’t believe the Joker would be a hard role for any decent actor to pull off. But yes, yes, he was the best actor in The Dark Knight and the only one (except for maybe Two-Face) that wasn’t miscast for the film.

I don’t really have much to say about Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face. He did a good job. I didn’t hate him, but I hated the overall movie so much that he or Ledger couldn’t possibly save it. In fact, I really thought Ledger would be in more scenes. Too bad. Less Batman, more Joker would have been a good thing.

There is a list of other complaints I could wage against The Dark Knight, such as the Batcave being reduced to a shiny basement, but that crime was committed in the atrocious Batman Begins, right? So we’ll leave it alone, and really I just don’t even want to talk about The Dark Knight anymore.

If you want to see the real Batman, a really great and fun, yet kickass Batman—check out Batman: Brave & the Bold, currently on Cartoon Network.

-Bradley Mason Hamlin
brad@mysteryisland.net
www.mysteryisland.net

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