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UGLIEST DVD
COVERS
Though movie posters
are often fantastic works of art, too often the DVD packaging
results in some of the must hideous and bizarre examples of
wretchedness the world has ever seen. Here's some fairly recent
DVDs that illustrate this point perfectly.
What an ugly color
scheme for such a brilliant and beautiful movie. I know one of the
movie posters used the same bile green motif, but the poster where
the cast was having a picnic and drinking wine was far better than
this one. You'd think with the wine theme they'd at least use a deep
red or burgundy to make it look more elegant. This color
combination just makes me ill. And could they please airbrush Paul
Giamatti's teeth even more? It looks like he's got a mouth full of
Chiclets.
 
Here's the DVD cover for the direct
to video Nomad (aka "Shit, I meant to rent 300 instead!").
FLY FASTER BEFORE THAT
GIANT LEONARDO DICAPRIO HEAD
ZAPS US WITH HIS LASER EYES!!!
WHO THE FUCK TOOK OUR
BODIES? Are these ladies so vain about how fat they might look that
they don't even want their bodies to show up at all? I'm thinking of
putting a giant ketchup stain in the middle so they'll look like the
victims of a horrible sawmill tragedy.
 
The DVD on the left
is the original release of Half-Baked, then you have the "Oh my
God...David Chapelle is in this movie and and he's hella popular
now, so let's put his face up front and shrink the other guys and
put them way in the background" version. At least we won't have to
worry about an ugly DVD case for Season 3 of The Chapelle Show.
 
On the left, you have
the movie poster version of Drumline, while the DVD version has to
remind Blockbuster customers that it's still a "White Friendly"
movie.
 
"Thisboy" from the
Somethingawful.com forums pointed out that Helen Hunt and Laura Dern
have the same goofy as look on their faces. I wish I could see what
was so great that they're looking at. It certainly wasn't either of
these films.
Is this cover for
Donnie Darko, or Slim Goodbody: The Motion Picture?
What an ugly fucking
mess. Everything is so slapped together, it's like a bad photoshop
chain letter in the making. You get Kevin Smith's head peeking out
at the corner laughing at the cast, and George Carlin looking up at
him, the only guy that looks to be ashamed to be there (or maybe
he's just rolling his eyes at the lame quote from Larry King). Jason
Biggs face is airbrushed to the point that he looks like his face is
made of pore-free rubber. Liv Tyler is looking at you personally as
if she wants you to get her the fuck out of this awful movie, while
Ben Affleck is just happy to be getting paid again. If the goal of
this DVD cover is to set the tone for a super shitty movie...mission
accomplished! Why even have Kevin Smith's face on it anyway? Anyone
who even recognizes him is already going to know he directed this
fiasco. It's not like the movies he makes are some benchmark of
quality that realizing he directed it is going to make you check it
out, anyway.
Got any more you'd
like to see showcased? Email me and I'll put 'em up!
-Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com
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