UGLY DVD COVERS
Though movie posters are often
fantastic works of art, too often the DVD packaging results in some
of the must hideous and bizarre examples of wretchedness the world
has ever seen. Here's some fairly recent DVDs that illustrate
this point perfectly.
What an ugly color scheme for such a
brilliant and beautiful movie. I know one of the movie posters used
the same bile green motif, but the poster where the cast was having
a picnic and drinking wine was far better than this one. You'd think
with the wine theme they'd at least use a deep red or burgundy
to make it look more elegant. This color combination just makes me
ill. And could they please airbrush Paul Giamatti's teeth even
more? It looks like he's got a mouth full of Chiclets.
FLY FASTER BEFORE THAT GIANT LEONARDO
DICAPRIO HEAD
ZAPS US WITH HIS LASER EYES!!!
WHO THE FUCK TOOK OUR BODIES? Are
these ladies so vain about how fat they might look that they don't
even want their bodies to show up at all? I'm thinking of putting a
giant ketchup stain in the middle so they'll look like the victims
of a horrible sawmill tragedy.
The DVD on the left is the original
release of Half-Baked, then you have the "Oh my God...David Chapelle
is in this movie n and he's hella popular now, so let's put his face
up front and shrink the other guys and put them way in the
background" version. At least we won't have to worry about an
ugly DVD case for Season 3 of The Chapelle Show.
On the left, you have the movie
poster version of Drumline, while the DVD version has to remind
Blockbuster customers that it's still a "White Friendly" movie.
"Thisboy" from the Somethingawful.com
forums pointed out that Helen Hunt and Laura Dern have the same
goofy as look on their faces. I wish I could see what was so
great that they're looking at. It certainly wasn't either of
these films.
Is this cover for Donnie Darko, or
Slim Goodbody: The Motion Picture?
What an ugly fucking mess. Everything
is so slapped together, it's like a bad photoshop chain letter in
the making. You get Kevin Smith's head peeking out at the corner
laughing at the cast, and George Carlin looking up at him, the only
guy that looks to be ashamed to be there (or maybe he's just rolling
his eyes at the lame quote from Larry King). Jason Biggs face is
airbrushed to the point that he looks like his face is made of
pore-free rubber. Liv Tyler is looking at you personally as if she
wants you to get her the fuck out of this awful movie, while Ben
Affleck is just happy to be getting paid again. If the goal of this
DVD cover is to set the tone for a super shitty movie...mission
accomplished! Why even have Kevin Smith's face on it anyway? Anyone
who even recognizes him is already going to know he directed this
fiasco. It's not like the movies he makes are some benchmark of
quality that realizing he directed it is going to make you check it
out, anyway.
Got any more you'd like to see
showcased? Email me and I'll put 'em up!
-Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com
