Piranha 3D is one of the best films I’ve ever seen. It’s the perfect rated R summer experience. It’s a self aware movie that throws more boobs, blood, and mayhem into a single scene than most movies have for their entire running length. But unlike Saw, Hostel, and other films of the “torture porn” genre, Piranha 3D was has a gleeful spirit underneath that makes it a joy to watch. Simply put, this movie is every state fair rollercoaster and haunted house ride with tons of naked chicks sitting in the car with you. It’s a movie for the 11 year old inside of you who would get to watch scary movies when you spent the night at your friends house. You know…the one with parents that went to bed at 8 and didn’t realize you were up for hours later watching every rated R movie you could ?

The level of ridiculous mayhem in this movie is unreal. I haven’t had this much fun watching a horror film since The Evil Dead 2. It’s a true old school monster thriller, that pushes the R rated envelope so far that one more nipple or blood spatter surely would have given it an NC-17 rating. Talking with my friend Josh Dietz of the ICUP Comedy Troupe about it earlier today, we figured that no actual sex and only minimal profanity must have earned them a lot more credit in the nudity and violence department. Maybe the MPAA simply looked at it as a nature documentary? Whatever the reason, I thank them.

There’s a scene featuring 2 sexy ladies swimming naked underwater for nearly 5 minutes while the camera dances all about them that’s easily one of the most gratuitous nudity scenes ever captured in a main stream movie. Tastefully shot with subjects that are easily half-goddess posing and floating weightlessly on a giant 3D screen, I could think of nothing more except the word “Golly…” for the entire sequence.

The 3D works great in this. Though it was converted to 3D in post production, it clearly was intended to end up in 3D from the start. With a color pallete that’s bright enough to shine through the Real 3D glasses, it pops out beautifully. And ridiculous scenes like a girl throwing up through the screen into the audience, it’s a worthy addition to the 3D Hall of Fame, as well.

The story is fun and straightforward. An earthquake releases thousands of prehistoric piranha from a formerly closed off subterranean lake, and they decide to feast on thousands of partying co-eds who are boozing it up. The munching mayhem takes care of many of them, but the victims themselves cause much of the destruction. One scene features a guy driving a speedboat through crowds of people in the water, as they bounce off his hull with sickening thunks. His motor gets stuck in the long blonde curls of a screaming girl, who ends up losing her scalp and most of her face when he starts the engine again. It’s sick and hilarious.

There’s plenty of more scenes that are worth not knowing about in advance. Including one featuring Jerry O’Connell that is one of the lurid, disturbing, and hilarious moments in a horror film I’ve ever seen. I’m not just some empty talker here. I’ve studied horror film seriously for over 25 years and have put articles like The 100 Scariest Movie Scenes of All Time together.

I don’t say this lightly, that Piranha 3D is easily in the Top 20 horror films I’ve ever seen.

So don’t waste your money on watching blue furry dudes stick their dick tails into dinosaur ears. Give Piranha 3D a try. It has my highest possible rating.