Based on the success of the Sacramento Brew Bike, I’m starting several new bike based attractions to enjoy Midtown
SACRAMENTO BLOW BIKE: You and your friends will each get a pile of high grade cocaine, with a souveiner mirror and razor blade.
(WARNING: The last half of this ride may reach speeds of up to 80MPH)
MIDTOWN OPIUM RICKSHAW: An actual Chinese person will carry you around town while you smoke some of the best opium ever made. Why settle for the dark solitude of an opium den when you can turn to mush in a fun racially insensitive human powered wagon?
TBD FEST BIKE: It’s just like the Sacramento Brew Bike, only you’re allowed to pay for your trip with vague promises or the title to your house.
NEXT DOOR BREW BIKE: Come drink beer as we ride through East Sacramento and look for suspicious black people.
KEVIN JOHNSON BREW BIKE: Are you a 17 year old girl who feels left out of the Brew Bike scene? Our own mayor Kevin Johnson will ride you around town in this special bike. Free white wine inside of coke cans and inappropriate massage with every ticket!
SACRAMENTO JEW BIKE: Pedal around town with Hassidic Jews and Jewish moms who will make you feel guilty about stuff.
NOTE: This bike will no longer stop at Bacon and Butter.
SACRAMENTO PHONE BIKE: Bring a party fo 6 to pedal around town and stare at your phones so you can ignore people and still get some exercise.