An Excerpt From Jill Stein’s New Memoir

(An Excerpt from Dr. Jill Stein’s upcoming memoir “Apart Together In Solitude”)

“In a way, I’ve been preparing to be President for a long time. A longer time than some, but a shorter time than others. When 539 total votes showed that the people of Lexington wanted me to represent them with 5 other people as a Town Meeting Representative, I knew I had my finger on the pulse of America. Many people think my time in my only elected office was not sufficient experience to control the world’s largest economy and military, but I beg to differ. Some of my trials and problems I had to work through really showed me what it takes to be a leader. In fact, some of my experiences helped me get a role as a political consultant for Gilmore Girls. Remember that time Taylor Dose wouldn’t let Jackson have a greenhouse so close to his fence line because of the Stars Hollow building regulations? That’s the type of realer than real shit I had to deal with every day.

After my tenure as Town Meeting Representative was over, I decided to ride the wave and run for Governor of Massachusetts. After months of knocking on doors and handing out friendship bracelets at the local Natural Foods Co-Op, I showed the people of my state that I was ready to lead. I received 1.4% of the vote, so I actually got less support than the margin of error, but it was a sign that I had to change my approach and find a way to actully get people to vote for me in ways that probably weren’t accidental.

2 years later, I had my first taste of running for President. It was a hard fought campaign, but I received 0.36% of the popular vote, which FoxNews called “a % only slightly higher than the BAC% for a DUI). After a homeopathic aura reading given to me by Yogi Sequoia, he said that I clearly had a mandate from the spirits of yesterday, so I knew I couldn’t stop.

I won’t stop trying until someday America realizes that I’m the right choice to run this country.

Oligarchy, neoliberalism, TPP, homeopathy, patchouli, and we need to have a hemp based economy. Geode crystal drum circle and GMO’s are bad”